I slept like a log yesterday. I slept so much its not even funny. I even slept thru Desperate Housewives lah... and thats like the only highlight of the day I was looking forward to.. Haizzz....

It started sometime during the after-lunch hour. You know the expression "penat semacam"? That was what i felt. Seriously. From then on, all I could think of was go back and sleep.. go back and sleep. But of course, not before havin dinner at Liang Seah first with MD. Or the place where Faiz fondly called Ah Chew Hotel. Tak glam langsung seh..!!

And who would have expect? On the way back, in the train, who else could we have met if not the ex and GNF. Well, they certainly seem fine. And we're fine too. Lately theres been a lot of the story of them girdling around in my life.. I should just resolve myself to be unfazed about it.. Wouldnt want that to affect me now, would we?

Especially not when everything is pretty much hunky dory and A-okay...

I seriously dont know what i was thinking at that point. I just agreed without putting much thought into it. Pity? Sympathy? Guilty?

I mean although it was not entirely because of me, (they had their normal arguments but it so bad to a point that everything has to be pulled in), I cant help but feel that was it because of me that he turned out that way. Come to think of it, what the hell was HE thinking?

Whatever i heard was just so not the him i used to know. How in heaven he changed to be an insensitive turd also i dont know. And its not as if its MY fault. He was the one who made the decision. So even if he regrets it, its of no absolute use.

Is it her then? Maybe.. But she said shes tryin.. Its good that she wants to. And I hope he does too. From what i see, they both have to put up with a lot. Whether things will be really okay, we cant say. Last i heard since swensens on thur, she decided to bend over and have things his way. I do hope they know what they're doing. Too much kept emotions. Too much control. Too much insecurity. But if thats what they think is best for them then i genuinely wish them all the best.

At the end of the day, I realised that all i really want is to say "Im happy for you" and meant it.

My lunch today was wat I would say as a "picnic in the park". For the first time ever, I finally set my foot in the Singapore Botanical Garden. And in case anyone is wondering just how come Ive never done dat before, let me just tell you that as a primary school student, instead of giving us excursions to Botanic Gardens like any other normal pri sch would, my school gave us excursions to the likes of a hydroponic farm instead... Hydroponic form lahh!! So yah.. i was that deprived..

And who would have the honor of being the first guy to bring me there? A dearheart indeed... Careless me forgot to bring my wallet, you see, and so my idea was to borrow money from colleagues for lunch. But instead of doing that, MD came by with food and he took me to the Botanic Garden to enjoy that scrumptuos meal of assam pedas ikan pari beside the Symphony Lake. So kira macam mini picnic lah... Though its simple, I really enjoyed my lunch. Something different... Looking forward to going there again and exploring more of the grounds. Especially interested to see the Orchid Garden. Said to be one of the largest in the world. Expecting to see if I could find my Blue Orchids there... Though i doubt so, but who knows.. ;)

On another note, i managed to save my PC from dying. Yesterday when i tried to transfer the PC to a new computer table, I accidentally dropped it and upon setup, it started to make this continuos beep sound. Its the kind of sound you hear when people go dead on the operating table.. You know, that heart trace thingy. Whatever i do, it just refuses to boot up. As usual, contacted the Masters of Computers, Azhar and Dean and it was suspected that some internal components could be loose. So just now, I spent my time pressing on all the components and bingo! Its works! At least its still alive and use-able.. for now.

Gosh! I should just be getting a new one already! I dunno when I would actually get down to it. Takkan nak tunggu sampai yang lama ni meletup baru beli baru, kan? Nak cakap sayang, tak lah sangat.. I think it just me lah.. I think that I would only get a new one if this current one im using is totally beyond repair. Till then, I guess i will just continue to use the 'electric shock' method whenever it goes 'beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppp!".

Konon-konon macam doctor-doctor la gitu..

Here's something to share with my friends..

To my friends who are... HEARTBROKEN...
Heartbreak last as long as you want and cut deep as you allow them to go.
The challenge is not how to survive heartbreak but to learn from them..

To my friends who are... STILL HOLDING ON...
A sad thing about life is that when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out that it was never bound to be and we just have to let it go..

To my friends who are... SINGLE...
Love is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you but if you just let it fly, it would come to you when you least expect it.
Love can make you happy but often times it hurts, but loves only special when you give it to someone who is worth, so take your time and choose the best...

To my friends who are... MARRIED...
Love is not just about "Its my fault" but "Im sorry", not "Where are you" but "Im right here", not "How could you" but "I understand", not "I wish you were.." but "Im thankful you are.."

To my friends who are... ENGAGED...
The true measure of compatability is not the years spent together but how good you are for each other.

To my friends who are... NOT SO SINGLE...
Love isnt about becoming somebody's "perfect person" . Its about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be.

To my friends who are... NAIVE...
How to be in love: Fall but dont stumble, be consistent but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, and get hurt but never keep the pain.

To my friends who are... POSSESIVE...
It breaks you heart to see the one you love happy with someone else but its more painful to know the one you love is unhappy with you.

To my friends who are... AFRAID TO CONFESS...
Love hurts when you break up with someone. It hurts more when someone breaks up with you. But love hurts the most when the person you love has no idea how you feel.

To my friends who are... PLAYERS..
Never say "I love you" if you dont care. Never talk about feeling if they aren't there. Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart. Never look in the eye when all you do is lie.
The worst thing a guy can do to a girl is let her fall in love when he doesnt intend to catch her fall..

True love cannot be found where it does not truly exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does. Love is magic. The more we hide it, the more it shows; the more you suppress it, the more it grows..

My office underwent a renovation through the weekend. After 6 months of working there, I finally had my own office space, complete with flat screen monitor, you!
Im done with probation, by the way. On top of that, because of my added responsibilities, i also got a mini promotion. Now, with my new space all set up, all im waiting for is that new name tag that they put on your desk.. but in the meantime,


Lo and behold....! My new workstation. My very own, no less. Time to bring in the personalized stuffs and decorations.. Frames, pictures, posters and wat nots..Woo-hoo!

Sewaktu bekerja semalam, saya dikehendaki membuat penterjemahan bahasa melayu dengan seseorang pemohon. Tetapi saya mendapati yang saya tidak cekap untuk bertutur secara formal dalam bahasa melayu. Ia kerana, setelah selesai, kawan sepekerjaan saya telah memberi komen iaitu, "Dek! Apasal Melayu kau berterabur?" Alamak! Kena spot lahhh! Sheesh!

Jangan salah anggap. Bukan saya tidak biasa berbual Melayu. Malah, bila saya bersama teman-teman, kami semua ada jugak bertutur dalam bahasa ibunda kita. Seperti yang saya katakan, untuk berbual secara formal, itu yang saya ada sedikit masalah dan saya jangkakan yang masalah ini akan berleret-leret jika saya tidak buat apa-apa tentang ia.

Saya rasa masalahnya disebabkan kerana kita selalu sangat mencampur adukkan bahasa Melayu dengan Inggeris dalam perbualan seharian kita. Kerana kebiasaan, apabila kita dikehendaki berbual dalam bahasa melayu sahaja, dengan tidak menyedarinya, kita cuba memasukkan tata bahasa dan unsur-unsur Inggeris dalam percakapan kita. Saya rasa itu yang membuat saya mendapat komen bahawa Melayu saya berterabur. Tidaklah sampai lidah terbelit atau pelat, cuma tidak fasih. Itu yang saya risaukan kerana ada seketika dahulu saya ialah salah seorang murid yang cemerlang dalam bahasa Melayu.

Dalam pada itu, saya rasa ada baiknya jika saya mencuba, dengan sedaya upaya saya, untuk kembalikan kefasihan saya supaya saya, setidak-tidaknya , boleh berbual secara normal bila dikehendaki berbual formal dan tidaklah hingga kedengaran berterabur atau kekok..

A favourite pic of this dearheart of mine. As goofy as he looks here and as wacky as he actually is, he will always be the sunshine of my life.. :)

And at this time, im puttin up this song just for him..

The Real Thing - Bo Bice

Every word i say, i mean it
Every single day, i feel it
but sometimes when you talk
it's obvious you want to show it
so don't blow it

tell me what we got, tell me it's a lot
tell me it's the real thing
tell me not to change and always be the same,
tell me that's a good thing
it's a good thing
tell me not to lie, tell me not to wait
tell me that you want the same things as me
tell me that it's fate, driving me insane
tell me it's the real thing
that keeps me hangin on

i can read the signs between us
i feel it inside when you come nearer
there's a stillness in the air
like no one else is there
and every moment stays in the moment
yeah

tell me what we got,
tell me it's a lot
tell me it's the real thing
tell me not to change and always be the same,
tell me that's a good thing
it's a good thing
tell me not to lie, tell me not to wait
tell me that you want the same things as me
tell me that it's fate, driving me insane
tell me it's the real thing
that keeps me hangin on

sometimes it hurts to watch you leave
it feels like you're taking a part of me with you
i never know how it'll be
i guess it's just a mystery
but is it the real thing (that keeps me hangin on)

tell me what we got,
tell me it's a lot,
tell me it's the real thing
tell me not to change and always be the same,
tell me that's a good thing
it's a good thing
tell me not to lie, tell me not to wait
tell me that you want the same things as me
tell me that it's fate, driving me insane
tell me it's the real thing
that keeps me hangin on

tell me what we got,
tell me it's a lot,
tell me it's the real thing
tell me not to change and always be the same,
tell me that's a good thing
it's a good thing
tell me not to lie, tell me not to wait
tell me that you want the same things as me
tell me that it's fate, driving me insane
tell me it's the real thing
the real thing..

PS. Its not just a piece of paper...;)

Let me give a lil intro about my extended family.. Altogether, we have 6 people born in the same year of '81. Three girls and three guys.. All of us have a natural bond with each other, especially the 3 girls - Idah, Aishah and Radiah. Doesnt matter that one of us is living in Malacca, we still have that certain closeness from young. Its one of those "no-need-to-say-far-but-always-close-at-heart" type of closeness. Theres no need for us to keep in constant contact cos whatever it is, because of us being born in the same year, we will still have that kind of connectivity.. The whole family knows that so no matter what, we will always be associated with each other..

So the thing is, last saturday, i went to Idah's wedding in Malacca. I made it a point that no matter what, I will still go to her wedding so off i went.. Aishah already couldnt make it due to work commitments so I have to go by hook or by crook. It was a nice wedding, havin its own grandeur in its own simplicity. Beautiful. My cousin was looking her best ever, i tell you.. Couldnt say the same for myself, though. Cos everyone commented that i put on weight.. Not fat, but "berisi". In other words "still looks okay but in great danger of being fat". So i guess thats red alert for me..

Apart from these type of comments, what i get more from the family is the "When is your turn?" question. Thats what im perturbed about. Like i said, because of the connectivity we three had from young, we will always be associated with each other. Aishah's married with one son, mind you. Idah's just got married so the pressure is now on ME. Me me me!!! Its alrite for the three guys to stay single. But they expecting to eat my nasi minyak soon.. Aaarrrgggh!

Look.. its not as if i dont want to get married okay.. Like every other girl, all of us will always look forward to that Big Day of ours. Im no different. I too want to have a husband to call my own, somebody you can lean on, someone whom you share your ups and down with, get physically close with without any restrictions. I too want to have my own children (and maybe one or two adopted ones) and build my own family. But as much as i want these, it takes time for me to get them.. and money too, of course. I know that age is not going to wait for me and i have to think of settling down soon. Im already 25 this year. Not only 25. My mom already warned me that she wants me to get married before i hit my late twenties.. definitely before i turn 30. Although she doesnt pressure me, somehow or rather, her words just get to me..

But its still not a call for desperation... yet. Until somebody pops the question to me, i just have to make do with what i have. As much as i want it, it will only work if somebody wants it too.. For now, I shall keep all these girly wishes aside first and try to concentrate on other important things that i must consider. Like money and work and study as well, mind you. My studies is not officially over till i get that Bachelor's Degree. By right, marriage should be in the cards for about 2 years after you complete your studies. But by left, who knows.. could be more, could be less. Let fate decide. As what i put in my friendster profile, "Although the present is our own, the future was with Fate..". In other words, what we do today is entirely on our own decision but what happens tommorow was already decided by fate. Nobody knows whats going to happen.. It all depends on your destiny...

To the beautiful bride. My dearest cousin, Ida.. Wish you all the best in this new journey and enjoy this wedding bliss of yours. Hope that God will smile upon your love always. Enjoy my wedding present *winks*. Nanti cerita hah.. 

Last pic of me and my cousin, Ida.. Manage to catch her in her evening gown. Right after i took this pic I have to get ready to go home on the 6 o clock bus.. Sorry i couldnt stay longer.. 

The one and only family I have in Malacca..  

Ida and Ajak (real name - Rosdi).. Semoga berbahagia selalu disamping satu sama lain.. :) 

Procession for the 'Raja Sehari" including the silat pengantin.. reminds me of the silat kung-tao i saw in Vietnam.. Thats my uncle by the way.. 

Sementara tunggu pengantin lelaki datang, lagi tak tahu.. ambik gambar lahh...  

The tonnes of prezzies she got from her friends... and let me tell you that this is only from those who came in the morning.. By the end of the day, the presents amount to almost two times more than what you see here.. Best kan?!?!  

Snapping her while she's just abt to get ready in her baju sanding.. 

Ah nie style jawa pulak... 

My cousin in her malay style red kebaya.. Her third set of change.. 

The second baju.. Chinese style cheongsam.. 

Macam Aishwarya Rai lah... hehehe 

Snapping a pic of me and my cousin as she just got into her first baju.. indian style saree 

Where the guests eat.. took this pic in the morning when nobody came yet..Notice the fan? How in heaven it got there also i dont know.. 

The pelamin... although not overly fancy like the ones we see in Singapore, its still pretty nonetheless.. Idea is simple but nice. 

Ive been pms-ing.. so im not in the mood.. and studying sucks. Big time. I even cried in the bus yesterday while on the way to the airport after work.. I hate the feeling of not being able to study when u want to.. even when u noe u have to. I get all tired and worn out and i just couldnt bring myself to absorb anything... much less focus.. And travelling to whatever location im supposed to be studying at, just add salt to the wound. Its so not productive when the time you take to travel is more than 2 times the time you have, to actually study... and this includes the trip back home as well..

So i was telling Ros and Dahlia about it. Ros said that she have always admired people who work full time and study part time. She told me to take it easy and that theres others who have it worse.. considering that my job is not so bad.. pretty convenient and relaxed.. dont have to stay overtime or bring home my work or something. But still, why do i feel so stressed, girlfriend?!?!? Jeez! I cant wait for all this to end... I cant wait for June 7th to come.. I cant wait to get it over and done with!! *#$^!&#@!)#!)!@(** (censored)

MD, please understand my situation alright. Not that im complaining or purposely throwing tantrums or gets too emotional about stuff.. But the strain is really getting to me. Im so in need of support and attention right now.. Anything to get the pain off my brain... u understand right?

Apart from being sick in the brain.. i also feel sick in the stomach.. Dont know why... Lately, ive been wanting to puke alot.. We have people coming in making me want to vomit blood and worse, reading mushy mushy stuff that gives me goosebumps all over.. Yucks! Aint this kind of things supposed to be personal..? Kalau nak share pon, jangan lah over.. Agak-agak sikit lah.. If ever i get to that point, somebody do me a favour yah.. Slap me with a huge trout or something..